It's too early for this

It's amazing how many people are at an airport at 6am. 

It's not exactly something I think about on a daily basis - the sheer number of people that make their way through the airport every day. But it's my world this morning. 

Yesterday involved last minute errands, a grocery store run so Daddy wouldn't have to while I'm gone, and kissing my hubby and kids goodbye. Then a 4 hour drive, dinner by myself at my favorite Mexican restaurant in the world, and a fruitless attempt to sleep. 

*Note to self: A hotel near the airport I Albuquerque also means a hotel next to the Air Force base. Which means helicopter flyovers all. night. long. *

This morning that alarm sounded way too early. But I'm now sitting at the gate with my mocha and my bible, contemplating this journey God has me on. 

This is the first time I've traveled by myself in my life. I'm headed to Texas to spend 6 days with 30ish other women on a guest ranch, seeking the heart of my Daddy. This will be the longest I've been away from my kids, the longest I've gone without talking to my hubby. But my heart and spirit yearn for this time. They ache for the removal of the every day distractions, the things that pull me in every direction but to Him. 

Words cannot express how grateful I am to have a husband who not only allowed me, but encouraged (and sometimes pushed) me to go. For parents and friends who are willing to wrangle my minions. For the sheer opportunity. 

This will be a journey unlike any ice ever taken. But I'm as ready as I'll ever be. 

Catching up

So, here's what this crazy crew has been up to lately:

We've learned about the human body by building them.

Mom went to an 80's party and ROCKED IT!

Madi started gymnastics.

Violet started ballet.

And Nina started jazz dance.

The dog got dressed up...

A few times...

Ok.  This happens more than I should admit.

We officially became sponsors for our favorite balloon crew,

And got to chase/crew for them at two different rallys.

We got all dolled up in support of our favorite team,

Then had to share in the pain of defeat.

Madi confirmed my suspicions that we will need good health insurance for her later in life.

I made chocolate covered strawberries.

Jerome made crepes.

Violet made me cry.

Translation: "God is coming down to me.  I believe in God. One day I saw God, so I'm now in peace and I have faith in God."

The snow (finally!) made me attempt to be a photographer.

And my sweet kitties getting along made me smile.

And I wonder why I'm so tired at night!

I have got to get better at this

I happened to look through my blog posts last night.  

22 posts last year.

1 post this year, so far.  

Whoa.  What happened to the days when I was posting 3, maybe 4 times a week?

Dang.  I better hop back on this wagon.  

But it got me thinking.  Why should I even keep up with this silly thing in the first place? 

I remember, 4 or 5 years ago, when this blog was my life.  I used the funny things that happened to us to escape the pain and the battles in my heart.  To pretend like was all sunshine and giggles and unicorn farts (just thought I'd throw that in there to make sure you're paying attention), rather than being real.  Real was dangerous.  Real hurt.  Oh sure, occasionally I'd write a post that might hint to reality.  But I made sure they were buried deep between the fluff and giggles.  

And I lived in fear of being "that" friend.  We all have that friend.  The one whose life is so much worse than everyone else's, who sucks the air out of the room through their need.  And so, in my twisted view of reality, I hid everything rather than being real and honest and raw.  

But neither extreme is healthy.  We were never designed as relational beings to stay at either end of this pendulum.  We were designed to balance in the middle - real and raw, honest and empathetic, caring and cared for.  

Thank you for sticking with me as I try to find that balance.  My heart longs for this outlet - writing allows me to process and express what, sometimes, I cannot say out loud.  And my girls do some crazy silly things that just need to be shared.  Like this:

Five Minute Friday: Fight

Now there's a word to get my blood boiling.  I am a fighter, a defender.  

But the fight isn't mine.  It never was in the first place.  I thought I had to fight on my own, that no one would do it for me.

But I'm learning.  Slower than molasses in January, but I'm learning.  I'm learning that I am not my defender.  That I'm not my husband's defender, my friends' defender, or even my God's defender.  I was never intended to take up that mantle.  

I'm learning I have a God who wants to take that from me, who wants to fight for me.  I'm learning I have a Daddy who will protect me and comfort me.  That I'm not alone in this fight.  That the fight isn't even mine.

Oy this is a hard lesson to learn.  It's even harder to live.  For someone who has lived with her fists clenched and ready for the proverbial punch most of her live, the idea of releasing those fingers and opening my palms towards heaven is foreign, uncomfortable.  It feels naked, vulnerable. But it is beautiful.  

The Literal Child

Tonight, this happened:

But not after a full-on freak out session earlier in the week.  

She absolutely lost it - tears, snot, and screaming - at the thought of losing a tooth.  Freaked out and lost all control.  I could not figure it out for the life of me.  She had to have two teeth pulled by the dentist earlier this year - no big deal.  She's seen her friends and big sister lose teeth - no sweat.  But when it came to her own mouth, she freaked out.

Come to find out, she was scared of the tooth fairy.  Scared that some tiny creature was going to sneak into her room in the middle of the night.  Oh.  Given the fact that we had a similar incident over Santa a few years ago, I should have seen it coming.  

Once my extremely literal child was reassured that the tooth fairy was, in fact, Mom, all was well in the world.  She was perfectly happy to lose her tooth, even asked us to pull it out tonight.  And now my sweet, seven, gap-mouthed kid is sleeping peacefully.  Waiting for her "tooth fairy" to come.  

20

What's a birthday like in Heaven, sis?

Does Jesus throw the party?  I bet the food is fantastic.  

Your Father knows exactly the right gift.  He has always known.

~ ~ ~

Or do you even know it's your birthday in heaven? 

 In a place of perfection, beauty, and worship, in a place where time doesn't exist, is there even the celebration of the passing of a year?

~ ~ ~ 

On earth, today is bittersweet.  You would have been 20.  We would have been texting happy birthday wishes, writing on your FB wall, hugging you fiercely at church.  Probably doing something fun and slightly crazy to celebrate.  Today would have been a day to celebrate the amazing creation God made in you.  

~ ~ ~ 

Today will still be a day to celebrate you.  It always will.  I'm sure there will be tears - I can't even write this sentence without welling up.  But today will also be a day to celebrate.  To celebrate you.  Because you are loved.  You are cherished.  And you will always be remembered.  

Food, family, and fun in the sun

This Thanksgiving we made our annual trek to the land of sun and cactus to cram as much fun into 6 days as possible.  And 8 hours in the car is made a little more enjoyable when you have a brand new DVD player for the car.

Yes, this is pretty much what they looked like for the entire 8 hours.  

Thanksgiving was spent enjoying our precious 1-year old cousin,

Enjoying our furry 8 year-old cousin,

And discovered new ways to carry a ball

We also got to take family pics with our amazing sis-in-love and photographer extraordinaire

Took all the monkeys to the zoo

And had a close encounter with a very sweet baboon

Saturday night we got to go out with Adam and Kristin, our bro and sis-in-love to our first pro basketball game.  It was amazing to watch the spectacle

And managed to snag a rare photo of the four of us

Sunday evening we went out to dinner with Grandma, Grandpa, and Great Grandma.  It was precious for the girls to be able to spend quality time with two grandmas at the same time.  And teaching Grandma the dot game was an added bonus!

We are so blessed, every year, to spend precious time with family.