Who Me? And Monday Mugs: The Backyard

Before I get on with the Monday Mugs post for today, I have to tell you something really cool!  My dear, sweet bloggy friend Beth emailed me a few weeks ago with a question.  She has started a new feature on her blog every week called Blogs to Bookmark.  Every week she features one of her favorite blogs, and she asked me!!!!  I feel like I should give an acceptance speech or something.  But I would probably be cut short by the orchestra anyways.    So, head on over to Beth's post and see what she wrote.  While you are there, you might as well just follow her blog.  She is a sweet, amazing woman, one of those rare gems, with loads of wisdom and humor.  Thank you so much for featuring me Beth!  You are a dahling!   

Oh how I love today's theme!  Our backyard is seriously where we spend most of our time.  I love the fact that our girls have their own place to run, explore, and imagine. 

As I was looking through photo files for this post, I was struck at how much it changes throughout the year.

In the spring, the grass is green, and new, and filling in patches left over from too much snow.  The ground is still hard, but perfect for chasing grounders.

Look at that power stance!

In the summer, dear hubby has to search through mile-high grass for all the precious toys before mowing.  When the monsoon rains hit, our backyard turns into a jungle. 

I LOVE this photo of my precious girls.  Katrina was 4, and Madi was 1 when this photo was taken.  Fall was in the air, the grass was dying out for the year, and the leaves were beginning to turn.  Our swingset has gotten a lot of use in its life. 

And, of course, fall is also a great time to learn all about hard work.

Sort of.

In the winter, the sun rises behind our trees every morning and turns the snow-covered yard into a fairy wonderland.

And provides shelter from the storm for our buddies.

This herd of deer winters in our back yard.  Every afternoon they make their nest under our trees.  They lay in the snow and watch the girls play, completely unafraid.  The girls know to keep their distance, but treasure the close proximity of these beautiful creatures.  Although we do have to remind Katrina that we can't shoot the big bucks in the winter.  We have to save them for next fall.

Sick day

It is amazing what children can do to entertain themselves when Mom is sick.

Tiffany

My Kid is Not Crazy!

See!?!?!?!?!  I told you! Oh, wait, I haven't yet.  Sorry.


We got a call from the docs office this morning.  As it turns out, her strep culture came back positive.  She has strep.  And we suspect she spread it to Violet and I.  Lovely.


Jerome is headed into town in an hour to get antibiotics for all three of us.  I am still making chili for the fantasy football draft tonight, but it will not be held at our house.  They will all be at the church and I will be skyping in from my living room.  Yes, I am a fantasy nerd. 


It is nice to know that there really is something wrong with Kat, and that it is easily remedied. 


So, we are hunkered down on the couch with movies and tea.  They are all sleeping, and I will be shortly.  Thanks for praying, everyone.

Because I don't want to forget

*Disclaimer*  This post is long.  Really long.  Starting to turn into mental diarrhea kind of long.  Feel free to click the little red x if your eyes go buggy, or you realize you don't have 5 hours. 




Most of the time, my blog is filled with the insanity, fun, and chaos that is my life.  With our girls, nothing is ever dull.  If I can brighten someone's day and make them laugh, then I am content. 


But, for me, this blog also serves a deeper, more personal purpose.  It serves as a journal, a reminder of sorts.  I am not much of one for keeping a pen and paper journal.  Never have been.  But, I don't want my girls to look back on my life and wonder who I was, wonder what my walk with God was like.  I want them to know what I was like before I met my Savior, and who He is creating in me.  And I don't trust my memory to be able to recall all the stories of my journey with God.  This is why I blog, to create reminders for myself of all that God has brought me through, and where He is taking me.


This has been one of those weeks.  I know I have been quiet lately.  Honestly, I have been so overwhelmed, I just couldn't write.  Emotions and thoughts have created a jumbled mess in my head, and sorting them into a cohesive sentence just seemed impossible.  Jerome even asked me if I was going to blog about what was going on, because he knows writing is my therapy.  I had to tell him that I couldn't.  The words just wouldn't form.  And I couldn't simply post funny thoughts of my girls - that would be denying and hiding what was going on in me.  It was easier to just be silent.


My life, much like yours, I'm sure, has had its fair share of pain.  Memories from my childhood and adolescence are mostly painful.  Even as I am trying to type this, my fight-or-flight is kicking in and trying to get me to check my FB, my email, look at the news - anything but this.  I have been working on this post for three days.  I keep trying to run, only to come back and know I need to write it.


Early on, I learned to be a perfectionist.  If you didn't cause trouble, and were good, then the bad stuff didn't happen to you, and no one would see you.  I learned to tell people what they wanted to hear, rather than the truth, because sometimes they didn't believe the truth.  I learned to always be busy, always doing something.  If you kept yourself busy you didn't have time to hear your heart crying in loneliness and pain.  I learned that no one cared about your struggles, no one cared about your pain.  Someone always has it worse than you, so stop your whining before you get something to whine about.


In middle and high school, I learned that being smart was a curse.  Being pretty was worse.  Being both was horrible.  I learned that men were not to be trusted, and that women were spiteful and mean.  That left me with no one.


And, if I may be completely honest, it didn't get much better after I met Jesus.  I just carried all of my dysfunctions into this relationship too.  I didn't want to be one of those "needy" Christians, the ones who suck the life out of everyone.  And so I pretended like my past did not matter.  That it didn't hurt.  I said that Jesus healed me, but in reality I had simply shoved the pain deep in the recesses of my heart and mind so I wouldn't feel it, wouldn't have to deal with it.  I didn't want to let Jesus deal with it either. 


I could not stand before my Savior without a sense of overwhelming guilt and shame that made me want to run and hide.  And so I did.  I read my Bible because I was supposed to, but it wasn't a love letter to me.  It was a list of every way in which I was a failure.  I went to church, but scurried around in a frenzy to do things to please Him.  Because, maybe, if I did enough, someday He would forgive me.  Today was never the day to seek healing.  Tomorrow.  Someday.  But never today.


I have been blessed to be a part of a bible study/book club with a wonderful group of girlfriends.  Each month, we meet and discuss our book, but mostly our lives.  Last Monday, we were discussing Forgotten God by Francis Chan, about the Holy Spirit's ministry and movement in our lives.  It is an incredible book, by the way.  One I hope to reread every few months, just to keep reminding myself. 


I love and hate going to this book club.  I love it because of the precious friends I have, and getting to spend time with them is so wonderful for me.  I hated it because I had to work so hard at hiding the pain and numbness that was my constant companion. If these women saw and knew the deep pain, hurt, and shame, they would turn and run.  Or at least that is what I thought. 


I don't remember saying a single word during the entire discussion time.  Not a word.  I was listening, and "hmm"ing the other ladies' thoughts, but did not share.  All of a sudden, my dear friend asked each of us to share a moment where the Holy Spirit had led us in ministry.  And something inside of me broke.


I couldnt' lie.  I had to look my friends in the eye and tell them that I had no idea.  That I wasn't sure my "ministry" choices had ever been led by the Spirit.  That I was the terrified daughter, scurrying around to keep busy and make Daddy happy so He wouldn't yell at me.  That the only relationship I had ever truly craved would never be mine.


And then God moved.


My friends began to pray for me, over me, with me.  For the first time I can remember, I could see the love in my Daddy's eyes.  They prayed words of wisdom, encouragement, and love over me.  I realized I had blamed myself and refused to forgive myself for things that were never my fault.  I wept that night.  I don't remember when I had ever cried that hard. 


This past week has been exhausting.  It is much easier to let myself slip back into the numbness rather than feel the pain and deal with it.  A lot of memories, pain, and situations from my past have been brought to mind.  I have the choice to shove them back down and be numb or allow Daddy to remove the arrow.  Honestly, it hurts to seek healing.  It means letting the wound get cleaned out.  It means there are scars, and scabs.  But I can't go the rest of my life wounded and crippled and numb.  Not anymore.


I want to feel.  I want to truly live.  I want to know God's touch, His presence, have words from His Love Letter jump off the page and into my heart.  I want to be free.

This & That

• I realized this weekend that I have failed to post pictures from most of our summer family adventures.  Like my birthday, the girls' train ride with Papa, Madi's birthday, the 4th of July.  If the Lord wills and the creek don't rise (sorry, OK roots shining through), I WILL get them posted.  Sometime.

• Katrina's stomach pain is back.  It started yesterday, the 2nd day of school.  And she promises me that she is pooping (man, there's another therapy bill someday for that comment).  I am taking off work early to take her to the doctor today.  She is resting at Grandma's house because she just couldn't make it in class.  Honestly, I am kind of freaking out.  It kills me to see her in pain like this. 

• I have another post that I have been working on for a week.  Seriously.  At first, I was doing everything I could to avoid writing it, and now I am just struggling to find the words.  Needless to say, God has been doing some major heart surgery in me.  I need to write it down so I don't forget, but I just can't seem to.  I promise, I will. 

• We have been getting some lovely rain lately.  It is so nice to not have to water the lawn or the garden.  What?  I haven't mentioned our little garden?  Oh yeah, I've had photos in a post draft for a week, waiting for me to hit the publish button.  Sigh...

• I had a wonderful adventure involving my dear nanny's car this week.  But, I am waiting for Rachel to get the True Story Tuesdays back up and running before I embarrass myself publicly again.  Trust me, Rach, it's a good one!

• Madi has been super snuggly lately.  As in, there are major waterworks whenever we try to put her down.  I'm not sure what is going on in her little heart right now, but obviously she needs some extra reassurance and I am more than happy to oblige.

• Violet is back to her normal, ornery self.  We no longer have mini-Darth in the house.  Her biggest daily struggle is which dress to wear.  Life is good.

• Jerome listed a piece of land yesterday.  This morning, the neighbor called and wants to put in an offer on it.  Woohoo!

• Bullet point posts make me happy.  Thanks for the idea Becky!

Can You Say Attitude?

Cause this girl has it in spades!

She called this outfit her mini-Natalie outfit, after one of my co-workers.  And she really did look like a mini-Natalie today, full of spunk and sass.

At 6:30 AM.

Fully dressed.

Positively giddy for the first day of school.

She is so my child.

Monday Mugs: Oh! The Things They Get In To!

If you have spent any time around our chaos, you know today's theme is right up our alley!  Because getting into trouble is a specialty here!



Our backyard has become a place for our children to explore and just be kids.  To be able to test themselves physically

Expand their imaginations

Pretty sure she is a dinosaur.  Or a tiger.  Not sure which.

See the world from a new perspective.

And occasionally get high-centered on a swing.

Yes, you read that right.  She got high-centered, just like a jeep.  And got stuck.

And, like any good blogging mom, I ran for the camera before freeing her from her instrument of torture.

And then she went right back to it.

Only my children.

My Farmer Joe impersonation and other such nonsense

Well, the doctor's office was fun last night.  The same kind of fun that causes people to gouge their eyeballs out.  That kind of fun.

We spent two hours in a tiny room.  Kat got to learn all about Sudoku, Texas Hold-Em, and Brick Breaker from my phone.  We checked my FB, read some Bible verses, read a magazine.  She got numerous back rubs and back scratches, and did the toddler puzzle three times just because it was there.  Twitch...twitch...

Have I mentioned how much I love spending two hours in the doctor's office?

Anywhooty, we don't know much more today than we did yesterday.  We know it isn't strep and it isn't a bladder infection.  He told us to try peppermint tea to soothe her stomach in case it is an ulcer or other digestive issue.  Excuse me, what?  Ulcer?  You do realize she is 6?  But, sadly, I could see it.

We have an order to head to the hospital and do another complete blood panel.  We will be looking for mono and its relatives (no family reunions in my daughter's body, thankyouverymuch), inhaled allergens, food allergens, anemia, and any other blood-related things that might be out of whack.  That should be fun.  Last time it took three nurses and three different sticks. 

She hurt really bad this morning.  Tears bad.  I convinced her to try going to school with the promise that I would pick her up after lunch.  So, she made it with flying colors, only going to the nurse twice.  Yes, twice is a successful day right now.  I take my victories where I can get them. 

I picked her up and brought her back to the office.  She was exhausted.  So exhausted she didn't even move when I snapped this with my phone.

She is the blondish-brownish mop in the middle, in case you were wondering. 

Thank you for all your encouragement today.  My last post was extremely difficult for me to write.  I am realizing that it is much easier, short-term, to hide behind the facade we all create.  But, in the long-run, it is so much better to be real, to be honest.  And, maybe, if I am honest, raw, and open, it will encourage someone else to be as well.  After all, isn't that how the body of Christ was originally designed to work?

In other grand and exciting news, our little backyard garden is finally starting to produce veggies!  I was convinced I had killed everything in July when the temperatures skyrocketed and I could not keep the plants watered sufficiently.  But, despite my best efforts, our little plants have blossomed.

We have tomatoes

and bell peppers

and spicy peppers

and even squash.

Madi picked the squash.  Don't ask me why, when faced with the "strawberry plant or squash plant" choice, the 4 year-old picked squash.  I don't understand.  But she is very excited to have squash soon.  And I am excited for squash.  Daddy isn't.  Daddy doesn't really like squash.  But Daddy was working the day we picked out plants, so Daddy doesn't have a choice.

And here was the first harvest from our little garden.

Three little cherry tomatoes, that I had to hide from the girls until I could take a photo for the blog.  You're welcome.  They didn't last 30 seconds after this pic.  I was very happy we had three little tomatoes, or we might have had one unhappy girl. 

Letters of Intent

Anyone else glad it's Friday?  Oh man, I am needing some therapy this week.  If you are too, go visit Julie the one-armed bandit for some more fun letters!









Dear Amy,

What a sweet bloggy friend you've become!  I can always count on you for a word of encouragement or great giggle.  I am so, so, so, so stinkin sorry I completely forgot about the award you gave me so long ago!  I have mommy brain.  Which means I have completely lost my brain for the next 25-or-so years.  And I was so excited to get my very first blog award too!  Please, please forgive me.  See, I'm posting about it now! 

The Blog With Substance Award has just 2 simple rules: sum up your blogging philosophy in 5 words and pass the award onto 5 other bloggers!


My blogging philosophy:  To honor Christ through humor


And now, the wonderful bloggers I would like to pass this award on to (trying not to pick someone who has already been chosen.  Bad memories from elementary school):

Kimber from Day in the Life of a Girl Named Kimber
my LSU-lovin, beautiful-daughter raising, gorgeous southern belle

Jill from Durango Palmers
one of my oldest and dearest friends, and the most honest person I know

Ashley from What's On My Mind
a sweet fellow band geek and mama of a stinkin cute little boy (almost 2 stinkin cute little boys)

Shana from Blaze N Crochet
This mama is amazing to keep up with Blaze, host some crazy giveaways, and have time to be all crafty!

Brandi from My Three Bubs
Hilarious mama to the some of the cutest boys on the planet, and soon to be mama of a precious princess!!!!!


Ladies, display your award proudly, and pass it on!

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To my bloggy buddies,

Holy cow, y'all are prolific!  I spend two days away from the computer, busy at work and getting caught up on the never-ending pile of Tinkerbell undies, and my google reader is just about to explode!  Seriously, I don't need computer bits all over my house or office (not that I ever read blogs at work or anything.  purely hypothetical situation).  Take it easy on me, ok?

The one who compulsively tries to read EVERYTHING


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To Our Home Group,

You all are an amazing bunch.  I have so much fun every Friday night.  I am so blessed to have you all as friends.  And, yes, I will even publicly admit that the guys beat the girls tonight, and that we will be cooking dinner for you next week.  Of course, like my friend Jill pointed out, its really not that different than any other night, now is it?  And, yes, we will cook you something other than hot dogs. 

Defeat Doesn't Taste Good, But Dinner Will


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Dearest Rockies,

Please start cranking out the wins.  Because you know we have make it further in the postseason than the Mariners and the Yankees.  For nothing other than bragging rights.  Pretty please?

Your most loyal fan

P.S.  I just got to watch Tulo hit a 2-run home run to go ahead in the bottom of the 8th inning!  Go Tulo!

And you thought I was kidding!

This is what happens when you ask my children about camels and kangaroos. 

Camels from Tiffany Bleger on Vimeo.

And you thought I was kidding when I said my house is a zoo!

Unsung Heros

Every family has members that get less attention than others.  Those members work hard, day in and day out, to make sure the home runs smoothly.  They never ask for anything in return - the happiness of the family is paramount. 

I think these heros need recognition.  Because that is what they are - heros. 

Tonight is the first installment in what I hope to turn into a series here.  This hero is near and dear to one family member in particular, especially tonight. 

Meet Buster

Buster is Violets buddy.  He was given to her during, I think, her hospital stay a year and a half ago.  He has not left her side since.  For a long time, Buster literally went everywhere with us.  He was the first stuffed animal that, for her, had a name.  Nowadays, Buster has his place every night with Violet in bed.  They have a routine.

Violet crawls up into bed and flops down on the pillow.  We spend a couple of minutes searching through the sheets to see where Buster is hiding.  Usually he is hiding between the bed and the wall.  He is a really good hider.  Then, he sneaks out from his hiding spot and attacks Violet with a flurry of kisses.  After a lot of smooches and giggles, the two snuggle down together for a peaceful sleep.

On nights like tonight (yes, I am really writing this at midnight), I am especially grateful for Buster.  Violet had an asthma attack tonight, her first since we started her on the S*ngulair this spring.  She gets pretty scared when she is having an attack - she is still too little to really be able to express how she feels and understand what is happening.  This one, unfortunately, involved a treatment from the nebulizer because it wasn't going away on its own. 

Buster was right there with Violet the whole time.  He snuggled her, even got a bit of albuterol himself.  Then, when Violet was calm enough to go back to bed, he snuggled up with her.  I cannot believe the comfort and joy that a tiny stuffed animal could bring to our tiny lady.  But I am grateful.

Have You Seen My Brain?

Because I seem to have lost it.  I have lost my blogging brain.  My life is filled with the chaos of work and three princesses, but when I have a minute to sit down my brain turns to mush.  You are lucky this post isn't filled with dsc;vlkadfa;ifaflkdmfansdmfnasdfmndfja.  Because that's about how I feel most evenings.

The girls worked really hard with us tonight to clean the house.  We were really proud of them, so we headed into town for some fun family time.  I didn't realize, until we were getting out of the car in town, that Violet was not wearing any pants.  She had a shirt, and a diaper, but no pants.  She didn't care, so we let it go.  Can you tell she is my third child?

We spent most of the evening on the phone with Jerome's sister and mom.  We had a situation today with a family friend.  It was really weird to be giving parenting advice to Jerome's mom, but good.  We are learning the refreshing joy of speaking the truth in love.  It isn't always easy, or fun, but it is necessary.  And tonight it was needed. 

So, what does a typical evening in our house look like?  Well, there is usually a bit of this:

No, I have no idea what they were doing.  All I know is it involved butterfly nets and lots of giggles.  I have learned not to ask.  I just grab the camera.

Like I said, another typical evening.

Thankful Thursday

As I sit at the park with my girls after work today, I realize I have so much to be thankful for. I have a home. I have a job. My children and my husband are all healthy. I have a God who loves me through and in spite of whatever is going on in my life. I have dear friends who love me, encourage me, admonish me, pray for me. I have a church family that really is a family.
I have coffee. I have a cell phone that lets me blog from anywhere. I have a dad who loves to tease me. I have a never ending source of entertainment in my children. I have blue Colorado skies and cool summer evenings. And this smile greets me every morning. I am thankful.
Tiffany

Grr...

Blogger is not letting me get caught up on all my blog reading.  It will open up some of the blogs, but not all of them.  Or maybe it's our computers here at work.  I am having trouble loading my farm on FB too.  Not that I would be reading blogs or playing at work or anything.  This is, of course, a hypothetical situation. 


Ahem


Anyways, how ya doin?  It's been a few days.  Our last week has been eventful and emotional, to say the least.  And I don't know about you, but when I am going through something really emotional, I tend to turtle until I have processed the situation.  And by turtle, I am, of course, referring to the time-honored tradition of hiding from everything.  I happen to be an expert turtler.


We are in the midst of a legal & financial situation with our family corporation.  And, yes, I know how incredibly weird we are that we even have a family corporation.  But, here's the deal.  We have gotten to put out fires for the past few weeks ever since our dear local paper decided to splash our family's struggles all over the front page.  Lovely.  As if our family wasn't infamous enough in this town already.  But, honestly, it has been good.  We have gotten to see the true colors of a lot of people - some of them we know will stick by us no matter what, and some we have been able to say adios to because of this situation.  Now, I will not even pretend that what was written was slightly unfounded, or untrue.  I simply have questioned the motives behind what was written.  We could either lose everything because of this issue, or be completely debt-free.  It really is that extreme.  And, right now, it is completely and totally in God's hands.  There literally is no way I can control or fix this situation. 


And to top it all off, we got to go to court last Friday to finish the dog issue with our neighbor.  Essentially, the judge tried to rule down the middle.  The younger dog will not be back.  The owner has 30 days to find a rescue group that is willing to take the dog, or he will be put down.  The older dog is allowed to come home, but under some incredible restrictions that our neighbor created during mediation with our friends in order to try to keep her dogs.  They have to, before Sept 4, reinforce the entire property fence.  They also have to build a completely enclosed dog run and install keyed dead bolts on all the exterior doors to the home.  Only our neighbor and her husband are to have access to the keys.  When they take the dog outside, she is to be muzzled, on a shock collar, and on a 6 foot leash.  At no time is she to be unaccompanied when outside.  If they leave the house, she is to be locked in her kennel in the house.  If they go on vacation, they have to contact Animal Control so that they, and only they, can dogsit.  Both dogs will remain at the shelter until either the conditions are met by the required date, or they are put down.  She also has to write letters to the entire neighborhood, detailing this agreement.  If anyone in the neighborhood sees any violation of any of this agreement, and reports it, the dog will be put down immediately, and she will face serious legal consequences.  This arrangement will hold true if she decides to get any dogs in the future as well.


Honestly, I am not sure how I feel about it.  I have heard that the judge we had tends to be pretty wishy-washy, touchy-feely with first-time offenders.  She could have very easily sent both dogs back home with no restrictions.  She could have ruled to put both dogs down, but placed no restrictions in place for the future.  I was extremely grateful that the court system recognized that there were two victims in this case, our friends and us.  The judge allowed all of us to speak at the hearing, and I am very grateful our voice was heard.  Our friends repeated over and over that, while these restrictions seemed reasonable to them, they do not have to live next to these animals.  We do.  Honestly, I don't think there would have been a "right" answer to this.  But, as we consistently prayed throughout the week, I do believe that this is God's will for the situation.


Our neighbor approached us after the hearing, to apologize.  I can honestly say that it was only by the grace of God that I was able to talk to her.  I was able to tell her that I forgave her, but that I did not trust her.  And when she tried to convince me that this breed was really wonderful, that the press against them was unfounded, I was able to tell her, politely, that we were going to have to agree to disagree.  I do believe she is remorseful about what happened.  I know that, in her own words, this was a horrible mistake that will haunt her the rest of her life.  And I meant it when I said that I forgave her. 


And so, we are healing.  We (well, everyone but me) are sleeping better at night.  I have not slept well, due to the stress, and so my body is trying really hard to give me a cold.  But I am peaceful.  Given this past couple of weeks, I really don't understand how.  But I am.