Letter of Intent

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Dear Older Brother of My Ex-Boyfriend,


It was great to see you the other day.  Really, it was.  I hadn't seen you in at least a few years.  I see my ex, his wife, and beautiful daughter at least twice a week through the summer because of softball.  And I couldn't be happier for, or more proud of him.  He has grown into a responsible adult, husband, and father.


It is you, however, I am concerned about.  I now understand why you are still unmarried.  Let me educate you.  When you see a woman, unless her belly is so ginormously huge that the baby will quite obviously be making his/her appearance in the immediate future, keep your mouth shut.  Because any woman who has to inform you that she is, in fact, NOT PREGNANT, wants nothing to do with you.  Ever.


Sincerely,
Do it again and I may punch you in the face


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LOI: To our Town and Crazy Kids

To my town,

I know you all like the animals.  And the hippy lifestyle.  But, really, I don't think they should mix.

If you don't talk to your cat about catnip, who will?


Decidedly Right in a Town Full of Left

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Dear People Thinking of Moving Here,

Here in Colorado, we like to make sure everyone knows about our wonderful weather.  We have four.  They are:

• Mud & Allergies
• Tourists & Road Construction
• Hunting & Will it Snow Already?
• Oh God, Will the Snow Ever End?

If you do decide to move here, don't say I didn't warn you.


Enjoying the Construction. Right. Outside. My. House.


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Little Miss Adventurer,


I am so glad you love a good challenge.  While it was difficult to explain why you and all your 38 inch fierceness couldn't go on the 10 story wooden rollercoaster, I appreciate the passion and drive.  But, sometimes, this no fear thing just creeps me out.

Although I am sure the timber beetle appreciated the ride back to the trees.

Now Where is That Hand Sanitizer?

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Dear Birthday Princess, I am so glad you enjoyed your special day.  With all your presents

and your yummy ice cream cake,  

I think it was a pretty good day too.  Although I must admit to looking VERY forward to treating you and two of your little girlfriends to pedicures on Saturday.  Cannot wait to have some big girlie fun!

How Do You Spell Blog Fodder?

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Letters of Intent

Dearest Hubby,


Thank you so much for teaching our daughters this valuable piece of knowledge.


Untitled from Tiffany Bleger on Vimeo.



I'm sure that somewhere, someone is praying, "Dear Lord, please let our little Sammy find a wife who loves sumo when he grows up."


Love,
Might be taking the tomboy thing just a little too far

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Dear AT&T,

Thank you so much for buying Alltel in our area.  Because, when our service switched last week, our home was suddenly no longer the dreaded cell coverage black hole of doom.  I really appreciate being able to talk to people while sitting on my couch, as opposed to freezing my tail off on the porch.  And I love that I can talk to my sister in GA for free now.

Sincerely,
Loving the crackberry


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Dear Mom & Dad,
 
I get it.  You are slightly older than me.  And technology can be, well, confusing for those of a more *ahem* advanced maturity.  But when my entire day at work is spent setting up your voicemails, your emails, your apps, your contacts, your ringtones, and everything else that comes along with getting new phones, I suddenly get the urge to ...
 
Resigning My Job As Tech Support
 
 
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To the clutter that has taken over my home,
 
Your days are numbered.  That number is, in fact, seven.  Seven more days, and you are gone.  Seven more days, and I will be home to take you on.  Seven more days, and I will rejoin the ranks of women whose full-time job is being home with their babies.  And my first project is to get rid of you.  So enjoy it while it lasts, cause this momma's comin for ya!
 
Sincerely,
Slightly excited to no longer be gainfully employed
 
 
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Letter of Intent: Girlfriend Advice

To my bloggy girlfriends (and guy friends with hair opinions):


I am in serious need of some advice here.  I am donating my hair to Locks of Love next week.  I am pretty sure I will have the minimum 10 inches, but it will make my hair fairly short.  I will have NEVER had my hair this short.  I need some votes.  My sweet hairdresser gave me a couple of books to thumb through, but I just can't make up my mind.  Please take a look & let me know what you think!  And just so I don't get in trouble, all photos came from the Inspire Hair Fashion hardback collections.


Option 1:

I like this because it is fun & funky, but I worry about how much time I would have to spend making it look fun and funky every day.

Option 2:

 This one is really soft & sweet, but I have done this hairstyle before, only a bit longer.  And bangs tend to annoy me.




Option 3:

I love the angular look on this one.  I can see how I could style it both straight & curly (I have very curly hair when it's short).  But, again, the bangs.




Options 4 & 5:

I could easily see wash-and-go with both of these.  #4 (top) is the more angular & edgy, while #5 (bottom) seems more gentle and flowing.  However, I am concerned about the possibility of looking like a mushroom cap on those rare days when CO decides to have humidity.

Option 6:

This is, by far, my favorite so far.  Maybe it's because there are 9 different photos of the same hairstyle, shown both straight and curly.  I can see all my options!  I love the layers in the back with the long bangs that I can tuck behind my ears.  However, I am concerned by how much time it will take me in the morning to not look like I stuck my finger in the light socket.



I am not kidding here, friends.  I use hairspray/gel maybe half a dozen times a year.  I have NEVER colored my hair, although I am slighly considering it. I need help.  Tell me what you think.


Humbly,
The Girlyness-Challenged One



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LOI: The Many Faces of Madi

Dear Darling Dictator,

You make me smile.

You make me laugh.

And even when you are pretending to be mad,

or just plain weird,

You make my life fun.

And you certainly have spunk to spare.

So don't ever change.

Love you More,

Mommy

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Letters of Intent: Sugar Buzz

Dear Family,

From here on out, when we go for ice cream,

please refrain from the complete and utter silliness.

Mommy is trying to learn the art of photography, and licking the camera is not appropriate.

Nor is bursting out in a fit of giggles when Mommy is trying to capture the sweeting shot in history.

And while I am eternally grateful that, for once, you weren't at each other's throats,

and that you were more than willing to share,

being that family is not one of my life-long goals. 


Love,
Secretly Loving Every Minute

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My Princess V,

I am so proud of you!  An entire week in big girl undies, with only one accident!  You go girl!

 

Love,
Hope We Didn't Just Jinx It

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Dear Google,

I am sincerely, and honestly, impressed.  Last night, when I discovered I had exceeded my free storage limit, I was sad.  And today, when I purchased more storage space (at a very reasonable price, I might add), I was pleasantly surprised to find that my new storage was available immediately, not in 24 hours like you had warned me.  Good job!

Sincerely,
One Addicted Happy Blogger

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Dearest Hubby,

If you again decide that, in the middle of a restaurant, it is appropriate to do this:

instead of helping me tame your wild minions, I promise that your precious little crackberry will become target practice for my hunting rifle.  I don't care that you were posting a photo of our children to your FB profile. 

With Love,

Don't Push Your Luck

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Letters of Intent

Dearest Kat,

While your new hair cut does look all grown up,

You are still not old enough for celebrity gossip.

Quit trying to grow up so fast.

And, no, I will not explain Teen Mom to you.  Because you just don't need to know.

Love,

Where is my no-grow-up fairy?

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Princess Pukey Pants,

While I greatly appreciated the enormous amounts of snuggling that happened this week,

I could also greatly do without the accompanying high fever, puking, and diarrhea.

And when you lay on the couch like this:

... Mommy starts to worry.  Especially when you don't even fuss about watching Star Trek instead of princess movies. 

Love,

Loves snuggles but not cleaning vomit off the couch

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Dear Influenza Type A,

Please be informed this is your formal notice of eviction.  You are no longer welcome in this home.  Because when you turn my normally spunky kids into this:

and this

without even offering to pay for their prescriptions, I get very tired of your free-loading ways.  I am all for generosity and extending grace, but you have tried my patience.  You have taken the Daddy-Daughter Dance away from two of my princesses.  You even think about touching the biggest princess and I will kick your germy rooty poo tooty. 

Signed,

Tired of cleaning up your messes

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Dear Self,

The next time you get on a blogging kick and schedule a bazillion posts in advance, be warned. 

It may be God preparing you for the illness of your children that will render you completely and absolutely technologically-impaired for 72 hours. 

Signed,

Sometimes procrastination can be a good thing?

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Dear Bloggers who are way smarter than me?

Please help me.  I have been trying to figure this out for a week.  How do you have a page on your blog (like mine has Meet the Chaos, etc), but for posts?  For example, I would love to have a Project 365, or a 30 Day Picture Challenge page, where someone could click and see all the posts with that label. 

I am done beating my head against a wall.  I humbly ask for your help. 

Sincerely,

Sick of the forehead bruises

Have more letters that are just begging to be written?  Head on over to Julie's for more LOI fun!

Letters of Intent: The Do

To My Darling Middle Daughter:

Did you really think I would not notice this?

Or this?

Yes, I took a picture of my trash can.  I could not believe the sheer amount of hair.

And if I missed those, did you really think I wouldn't see your interesting new hairstyle?

read: self-inflicted pre-schooler mullet

Mommy wasn't born yesterday.  The scissors did not magically jump out of the drawer and mercilessly attack your head. 

And, as adorable as your new haircut is

And as much as it totally matches your spit-fire personality,

You are not a hairdresser. 

Not even close.

Love,

Needs a new scissor hiding place

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Letters of Intent: Bubble Suit and Jungle Gyms

Dearest Princess Needs a Bubble Suit,


I am very grateful you do not need a hard cast.  However, we do have three more weeks in this boot.  And while I appreciate your attempts at resting

... and your lady-like posture *ahem*, there are a few things that just are not possible in a boot.  Like tromping through the snow on the playground.  I know, I am the meanest mom in the world, but you will not be taking your snow pants to school. 




Love,
Because I said so and because I love you


P.S.  It would be really fabulous if we could go longer than 2 weeks between ER/doctor/hospital visits.  Because that hasn't happened since August.  Let's work on that, ok?




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 Dear Weather,


Thanks.  I was beginning to freak out.  A Colorado Christmas with no snow is almost a sin.  And it really didn't seem fair that all my friends and family in the south got snow and ice and actually had to find a thick coat while I was sending the kids out in flip flops.  So I greatly appreciate the arrival of the few inches of fluffy white glory last night, as well as the forecast of snow EVERY day till Christmas. 




Sincerely,
A brown Christmas is just wrong


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 Dear Thing Two and Thing Three,


You two are cute and you know it.  This is a problem.  Especially when your Pepe (French grandpa) is concerned.  Because you don't just get cookies.

And he can't say no.




Not looking forward to the dentist bill




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 Dear Thing Two and Thing Three,


While your daddy does make a good jungle gym,

Daddies (or is it Daddys - both look weird) are sensitive in certain areas.  And, no, it's not that funny.


Love,
Does not appreciate the whining when she has to hide the giggles


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Dear Readers/Friends/Followers/Stalkers/Lurkers, and All of the Above,

You know you have those letters that just NEED written.  Go see Julie at Foursons for more LOI fun.

Thankful Thursday that became Letters of Intent Friday

Go visit the Blog Dominator for more LOI fun!

Dearest Friends/Readers/Followers/Assorted Stalkers,

I had every good intention of posting a witty and meaningful Thankful Thursday post yesterday.  And then life happened.  And when you are falling asleep on the couch with the TV on and your laptop in your lap at 8:30 PM, sleep wins over blogging.  And, so, like much of my cooking, we are going to make full use of the magical gift of leftovers today!  Enjoy!

Oh, and don't forget to enter my giveaway!  Comments are open until Monday morning, when the winner will be posted.  And if you are a GFC follower, or blogged about the giveaway, but didn't leave me a comment telling me as much, please do so.  Remember, the more comments, the more likely you are to win free caffeinated goodness!

Sincerely,

The Blog Addict Currently Experiencing Withdrawals!

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To My Sweet Man,

I know you are still a hunting newbie.  You learned that last year's kill was truly a once in a lifetime experience.  But, really and seriously...

... it's much easier to shoot an elk when you stay awake to see one.  Just sayin...

Your loving, over-caffeinated, having too much fun throwing mud balls at you wife

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Dear Colorado Weather,

Keep the snow up here...

... not at my house.  Because I haven't even started to rake these:

Signed,

It can't already be November, can it?!?!?!

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Princess Madi,

Seriously, girl!  How do you sleep like this?  You realize you are your Daddy's child, don't you?

Love,

Feels sorry for your husband someday

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Dear Daddy and Mommy,

Thank you so much for breaking the hot water heater.  Because when you had to get a new one, we got a giant coloring board,

a secret shoe-hiding tunnel,

a fabulous fort,

a luxury condo with a skylight,

and a new way for Mom to think we are the cutest things ever!

Love,

Three Girls Who Think The Best Toys Are Free

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