I don't like the unknown.
I struggle with the what-ifs.
Especially when it comes to my children.
I actually started this post a month ago. I had to leave it alone. Let it sit. Let me sit.
A month ago, we were in Denver, meeting with a GI doctor. Trying to identify why my daughter has battled stomach pain for three years. Trying to rule out possibilities.
Tonight, we are in Denver. Again. My daughter is sleeping next to me. I am snuggling on the couch with 2 sweet kitties who are not my own. My roommate from college and her sweet hubby have graciously put us up for the night while we meet with yet another doc.
This afternoon, I held my daughter in a doctor's office as she sobbed. She didn't understand why they couldn't just do the surgery. Their postponement of surgery equaled "They don't believe me and they don't care" to my tender-hearted girl. She didn't understand that the doctor cares about her so much that she wants to make sure everything is looked at before surgery.
Today, I found out that the stomach pain my daughter has been dealing with for the last 10 months could actually be related to the stomach pain she had 3 years ago. The stomach pain that sent us to Denver to a doctor that didn't understand, didn't take the time to listen. The doctor that, honestly, taught my daughter that doctors cannot be trusted.
Tomorrow, we will drive back home.
Next Tuesday, we will drive back to Denver.
Next Wednesday, we will have yet another round of tests.
Next Thursday, we might actually be able to have the surgery that could make my daughter's pain go away.
But tonight, I sit on the couch with two cats who aren't mine and watch my daughter sleep. I wonder at the wisdom God gives doctors - to be able to see past the test results (or lack thereof) to the root of the problem. I wonder at the journey our family has been on for the past three years - the appointments, the prayers, the pain. I battle my own demons of anger, frustration, fear.
I wonder how this battle will be used for His glory. He promises that. And I intend to hold Him to it.
5 comments:
Sitting here in tears. Over you. Over your sweet Nina. Over the long road your family has walked with Nina in pain.
Somehow - God will still be glorified in it all. He has given Nina a precious sensitive heart and somehow this will be able to be used for good. He promises that too.
I wish - I wish we could be there. To do something. Anything.
So I'm thousands of miles away praying to the same God you are tonight. Knowing that He feels everything you feel - and that He has a place for it. And He has peace for you too.
Ugh. My heart is so heavy. Be strong Momma.
(And pick out some silly mascot we can post for Nina on Facebook... you know how we are :)
Praying WITH you and Rachel FOR that beautiful girl of yours! Love you!
I am so sorry. What kind of surgery are they talking about? I don't even have words for you. Except that I know how hard it is when doctors don't have answers. I sure do.
Hey kiddo I'm sorry I didn't realize you were on a mission for Katrina . I thought that issue had been resolved. I wouldn't have bothered you with the costume?'s. You all will be in my prayers
My heart breaks for you, for Nina for your whole family. Praying that God will give the Dr. answers and bring peace to your hearts. If it helps, let her know we are praying for her. Love and hugs, friend.
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