St. Patrick's day took on a whole new meaning for my family a few years ago. It was on this day that my grandpa, Carl Tucker, went to be with Jesus. He was an amazing man. He homesteaded from Oklahoma to Monticello, UT when he and my grandmother were newlyweds. They raised their children while Grandpa worked as a farm hand, miner, rancher, and other assorted jobs. He mined most of the major mines from here to Denver, and was a shrewd businessman. He saved his money and slowly purchased land across southwest Colorado, making sure to purchase the mineral rights along with the land. One of his mines, a uranium mine, actually produced ore that was used in the Manhattan Project.
My dad tells many stories of growing up under this man. Stories of owning the first television in the Paradox Valley (never heard of it - not surprised!). Hunting stories, ranching stories, stories of his love and devotion to his wife and children. He didn't actually say much, but what he did say, he meant. All the grandkids understood that "un-uh" meant "no thank you" in Grandpa-speak. He was never without his felt cowboy hat, button-down shirt, and boots. He taught us about ranching and life by involving us in the ranch, not just telling us stories. He taught me how to shoot, ride, irrigate, birth animals, farm crops, track wildlife, and truly live in nature.
As he aged, and the years of working in mines caught up to him, he was forced to sit more. He could no longer physically perform the tasks he had done all his life. And so, we sat and talked, and shared life. My most treasured memory was the Christmas before he passed away. It was Christmas Day, and we were all down at their house preparing dinner. Katrina, about 1 1/2, was dressed in her fancy dress, and Grandpa was in his "party" duds. They sat next to each other at the table, waiting for the meal. Grandpa reached over and patted her hand, then left it there. Katrina looked at Old Papa, put her other hand on top of his, and stared into his eyes. They stayed that way for a few moments, long enough for the rest of us to realize what was happening. Grandpa was teaching a new generation of Tuckers. He didn't have to use words.
And so, March 17th is no longer St. Patrick's Day for the Tucker's. It is St. Daddy's Day, in honor of our amazing Papa. I love you, Grandpa. I miss you every day. I wish you could have met Madison and Violet, but I know that someday, you will. I will get to feel your strong bear hug, your rough whiskers on my cheek. And we will get to worship Jesus together, in a way we were never able to do together on this earth. And that makes this day ok.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Monday, March 16, 2009
The End of Modern Civilization
If there is one thing that people realize about me very quickly, it is that I am stubborn. When someone tells me, "You should do such and such," that is probably the last thing I will do. Not because I don't want to, but simply because someone told me to.
That being said, I would like to take a moment to expound on my reasons for avoiding selling my allegiance to the nation of F*cebook. Working full time has shown me just how little deep, meaningful, face-to-face contact occurs throughout the week. I realized that I took for granted the time and effort that it takes to create and nourish that quality time. And quality time is something I crave. And so, when everyone I knew started building accounts and poking each other, it made me kind of sad. I, as most of you know, dread many forms of modern technology anyways. Flat-screen tvs, ipod touch, iphones, twitter - it's all the same to me. It's all a devious ploy of Satan to get us to not spend quality time face to face with the people we love and cherish. Not really, but sometimes it sure feels that way! It is a constant battle in our home between the techie-junkie husband and the wannabe-Amish-born-in-the-wrong-century wife. Maybe that's why I absolutely loved my friend Jill's post about the ingratitude of modern society. Because we as a society have created all these applications to keep us "connected", and yet I feel like we are further apart than ever before.
But, I have also seen the amazing, reconnecting power of F*cebook. My husband is able to connect with friends and family around the country and the world. My siblings are in daily communication with each other even though they live across the nation. And, most important to my heart, ministry can happen. People can be challenged, loved, corrected, and led towards their awesome Daddy.
So, what is an anti-techie stubborn woman to do? I know I cannot keep fighting a losing battle. The title to this post does not, in fact, refer to my personal beliefs about F*cebook, although I am secretly convinced that the creation of the the F*cebook nation must have SOMETHING to do with the rise of the anti-Christ and imminent fall of society. It refers to the fact that we must be facing the end of modern civilization because I now have a F*cebook account. Ok, pick your chin up off the floor and come find me. But, if you so much as think about flinging poop at me, I will beat you!
That being said, I would like to take a moment to expound on my reasons for avoiding selling my allegiance to the nation of F*cebook. Working full time has shown me just how little deep, meaningful, face-to-face contact occurs throughout the week. I realized that I took for granted the time and effort that it takes to create and nourish that quality time. And quality time is something I crave. And so, when everyone I knew started building accounts and poking each other, it made me kind of sad. I, as most of you know, dread many forms of modern technology anyways. Flat-screen tvs, ipod touch, iphones, twitter - it's all the same to me. It's all a devious ploy of Satan to get us to not spend quality time face to face with the people we love and cherish. Not really, but sometimes it sure feels that way! It is a constant battle in our home between the techie-junkie husband and the wannabe-Amish-born-in-the-wrong-century wife. Maybe that's why I absolutely loved my friend Jill's post about the ingratitude of modern society. Because we as a society have created all these applications to keep us "connected", and yet I feel like we are further apart than ever before.
But, I have also seen the amazing, reconnecting power of F*cebook. My husband is able to connect with friends and family around the country and the world. My siblings are in daily communication with each other even though they live across the nation. And, most important to my heart, ministry can happen. People can be challenged, loved, corrected, and led towards their awesome Daddy.
So, what is an anti-techie stubborn woman to do? I know I cannot keep fighting a losing battle. The title to this post does not, in fact, refer to my personal beliefs about F*cebook, although I am secretly convinced that the creation of the the F*cebook nation must have SOMETHING to do with the rise of the anti-Christ and imminent fall of society. It refers to the fact that we must be facing the end of modern civilization because I now have a F*cebook account. Ok, pick your chin up off the floor and come find me. But, if you so much as think about flinging poop at me, I will beat you!
New Discoveries
It seems like every day my children learn something new that just astounds me. For example, on Friday Violet learned that she could feed herself peas. She then proceeded to pick ALL the peas out of her dinner and eat them (yes, her poop was green on Saturday). After eating all of her peas, she snuck up on big sister Madison's plate and tried to steal the peas from there as well. That venture was not quite as successful. But, they were able to make amends and turn it into a fun game.
Madison has learned a new word - "hilarious". Everything is now hilarious.
Madison also learned that Papa will not tell her no when she asks for dessert after dinner, then more dessert, and more dessert. She succeeded in convincing him that she needed an ice cream sandwich and 2 ice cream cups. She ate them all with extreme caution, careful not to drop a bite. Her body then went into insulin shock and she ran in circles in my parents living room for 15 minutes. She was still in sugar shock the next morning at church. I think she's still probably running in circles, this time at Jo's house.
Katrina has learned that the fate of her school's new playground equipment does not in fact rest squarely on her shoulders. She is participating in a read-a-thon at school to raise money to buy new equipment. She was trying to read one evening, and struggling because she was so tired. When I told her that we should be done for the evening, and that we could read more the next day, she broke down into a screaming, crying, snotting mess. Once she calmed down, I was able to figure out that she thought SHE was responsible, by herself, for reading ALL the minutes for the ENTIRE school. Luckily, she knows nothing of the current world economic state, or I am certain that we would be dealing with her role in that on a regular basis as well.
I just had a realization. How often do I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders? How often do I believe, regardless of the actual truth, that I am responsible for EVERYTHING? And, when I realize that I cannot physically go on, do I break down & cry? Daddy says, "29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy and my burden is light (Matt 11:29-30)." The only way I will find rest for my soul is if I choose to take God's burden, and God's burden only. To take on any other load is to take on a load I was not intended to carry.
Lord, help me to carry Your load, and only Your load. And thank you for my precious children, who teach me every day!
Madison has learned a new word - "hilarious". Everything is now hilarious.
Madison also learned that Papa will not tell her no when she asks for dessert after dinner, then more dessert, and more dessert. She succeeded in convincing him that she needed an ice cream sandwich and 2 ice cream cups. She ate them all with extreme caution, careful not to drop a bite. Her body then went into insulin shock and she ran in circles in my parents living room for 15 minutes. She was still in sugar shock the next morning at church. I think she's still probably running in circles, this time at Jo's house.
Katrina has learned that the fate of her school's new playground equipment does not in fact rest squarely on her shoulders. She is participating in a read-a-thon at school to raise money to buy new equipment. She was trying to read one evening, and struggling because she was so tired. When I told her that we should be done for the evening, and that we could read more the next day, she broke down into a screaming, crying, snotting mess. Once she calmed down, I was able to figure out that she thought SHE was responsible, by herself, for reading ALL the minutes for the ENTIRE school. Luckily, she knows nothing of the current world economic state, or I am certain that we would be dealing with her role in that on a regular basis as well.
I just had a realization. How often do I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders? How often do I believe, regardless of the actual truth, that I am responsible for EVERYTHING? And, when I realize that I cannot physically go on, do I break down & cry? Daddy says, "29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy and my burden is light (Matt 11:29-30)." The only way I will find rest for my soul is if I choose to take God's burden, and God's burden only. To take on any other load is to take on a load I was not intended to carry.
Lord, help me to carry Your load, and only Your load. And thank you for my precious children, who teach me every day!
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Thankful Thursday... Sisters!
I know people who will go through life, never really understanding the joy it can be to have siblings. And there is something so dear, so precious about the relationship between sisters. I am so blessed to have amazing sisters, by birth and marriage. These women (and one young woman) have seen me at my best, my worst, and everywhere in between. They have been patient with my hormonal rantings, my ego, my children, and me. They are stronger than they know, and more inspirational than they could ever imagine. They challenge me to be a better woman, friend, sister, mother, wife, and daughter. I know that, if needed, they would drop everything to be there for me. And I know that, no matter what, they always will be. We may not always see eye to eye, but we will always see heart to heart. And I love them!
Thank you, my dear sisters. Thank you for sacrificing so much of yourself for me. Thank you for understanding a part of me that no one else can. Thank you for believing in me. Thank you for my nieces & nephews (what a joy!). Thank you for being there. I love you all, amazing women!
Thank you, my dear sisters. Thank you for sacrificing so much of yourself for me. Thank you for understanding a part of me that no one else can. Thank you for believing in me. Thank you for my nieces & nephews (what a joy!). Thank you for being there. I love you all, amazing women!
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Some Wednesday Fun
Here's a few fun items that I could not resist sharing. First, a joke my wonderful husband sent. Knowing my love of the ranch, and general feelings towards the government, he felt it appropriate.
An old cowboy named Dick, was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in Colorado, when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the old cowboy, “If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?”
Dick looks at the man, obviously from out of town, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, “Sure, Why not?”
The fellow parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. He then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.
Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says, “You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.”“That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves,” says the old cowboy. He watches the man select one of the animals and looks on amused as he stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
Then Dick says to the guy, “Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?”The man thinks about it for a second and then says, “Okay, why not?”“You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government”, says Dick.“Wow! That's correct,” says the guy, “but how did you guess that?”“No guessing required.” answered the old cowboy. “You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter you are than I am, and yet, you don't know a thing about cows...this is a herd of sheep. Now give me back my dog.”
The second is a video my co-worker introduced us to yesterday. You have to understand, my dad is a Shriner. We were all rolling in tears at the office. My dad made us play the video repeatedly. Then I had to teach him how to share videos from YouTube. So, a good funny!
An old cowboy named Dick, was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in Colorado, when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the old cowboy, “If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?”
Dick looks at the man, obviously from out of town, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, “Sure, Why not?”
The fellow parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. He then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.
Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says, “You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.”“That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves,” says the old cowboy. He watches the man select one of the animals and looks on amused as he stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
Then Dick says to the guy, “Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?”The man thinks about it for a second and then says, “Okay, why not?”“You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government”, says Dick.“Wow! That's correct,” says the guy, “but how did you guess that?”“No guessing required.” answered the old cowboy. “You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter you are than I am, and yet, you don't know a thing about cows...this is a herd of sheep. Now give me back my dog.”
The second is a video my co-worker introduced us to yesterday. You have to understand, my dad is a Shriner. We were all rolling in tears at the office. My dad made us play the video repeatedly. Then I had to teach him how to share videos from YouTube. So, a good funny!
Monday, March 9, 2009
Thankful Monday?
I know, I know. It's not Thursday. But, Thursday came and went, and I could not find the time to post. I thought about it multiple times, but never could get to it.
Oh well, why not Thankful Monday this week? I know I need a pickup on Mondays!
So, I am thankful for:
- friends (Jill) who take my kids at the crack of dawn so that other friends (Jo) who have been up with sick kids all night can rest.
- coffee. I know, I know, I say coffee A LOT! But, I am able to mostly control my migraines without the use of icky medicines by drinking coffee. And today, the coffee is most definitely needed.
- a husband who is earnestly seeking to lead our family with faith and integrity. We just finished reading a chapter in Sacred Marriage about honor, and it really challenged me to make sure my actions and words about my husband are nothing but honorable. He is such an amazing man, I really don't know where I would be without him.
- kids who give me kisses & hugs without being forced. I absolutely LOVE Madison snuggles.
- Passion Play rehearsal tonight. I get to play with a whole new set of costumes tonight. Yippee! I love playing with costumes!
- parents/bosses who understand that the kiddos come first
- great-grandparents for my kids. Not many children still have their great-grandparents around, and mine have three! It is such a joy to watch the heritage of my family being passed down to my children.
- good books. I read just about everything I can get my hands on.
- a really fun work environment. Not too many people can honestly say that they would enjoy working with their parents every day.
- our fabulous home. It is just right for us.
- those little reminders that God has never, and will never leave me.
Oh well, why not Thankful Monday this week? I know I need a pickup on Mondays!
So, I am thankful for:
- friends (Jill) who take my kids at the crack of dawn so that other friends (Jo) who have been up with sick kids all night can rest.
- coffee. I know, I know, I say coffee A LOT! But, I am able to mostly control my migraines without the use of icky medicines by drinking coffee. And today, the coffee is most definitely needed.
- a husband who is earnestly seeking to lead our family with faith and integrity. We just finished reading a chapter in Sacred Marriage about honor, and it really challenged me to make sure my actions and words about my husband are nothing but honorable. He is such an amazing man, I really don't know where I would be without him.
- kids who give me kisses & hugs without being forced. I absolutely LOVE Madison snuggles.
- Passion Play rehearsal tonight. I get to play with a whole new set of costumes tonight. Yippee! I love playing with costumes!
- parents/bosses who understand that the kiddos come first
- great-grandparents for my kids. Not many children still have their great-grandparents around, and mine have three! It is such a joy to watch the heritage of my family being passed down to my children.
- good books. I read just about everything I can get my hands on.
- a really fun work environment. Not too many people can honestly say that they would enjoy working with their parents every day.
- our fabulous home. It is just right for us.
- those little reminders that God has never, and will never leave me.
Monday, March 2, 2009
The End of an Era
As I hinted at previously, Jerome & I recently spent our last Wednesday evening at church with the middle and high school students. What a bittersweet night that was! Jerome began serving with the youth in 1998, and I joined him in 2000. What a blessing these past years have been. I love these amazing students, and always will. We made this decision right after Christmas, and immediately felt peaceful about it. That, in itself, is an answer to prayer for me. I had always asked God that, when it was time to move on, He would confirm it to me by giving me peace about it. We have endured many hard times in the years we served, but never felt that peace until now.
A funny side note - along with that peace, God has filled my heart with a passion and love for these students that I have never felt before. At first, I actually said "Seriously, God? Now? You wait until NOW to fill me with this passion?" But, God knew what He was doing. He knew that the passion He was giving me was going to feed this next move in our lives.
This generation that I love is desperately feared and hated by Satan. Why else would we have the problems with suicide, drug and alcohol abuse, child abuse, pornography, abortion? Yes, it is the product of a society, but I believe it is also a direct attack by the enemy of their souls. Satan knows just how powerful these young people would be for God's kingdom.
Jerome & I have been leading a small group in our home for a few years. God revealed to both of us that the problems we saw in the youth, began in their homes. It begins with their parents, their home life. And, to be quite honest, we are tired of watching Satan tear apart families. I know far too many couples that have gotten divorced or are contemplating separation right now.
This is why we are now at the "end of an era". I want to see marriages thrive, reunite, be bold. I want to see husbands who love their wives as Christ loves the church. I want to see wives really learn the true meanings of love, submission, respect - not the distorted, ugly, worldly versions, but God's amazing, freeing, joyful intention. And, please understand, Jerome and I are NOT the models for this - we are imperfect, learning, screwing up and trying again.
My current favorite band is Casting Crowns. I fell in love with their song "Slow Fade", but love it even more now that I've seen the video. This song encompasses everything I want families to realize.
A funny side note - along with that peace, God has filled my heart with a passion and love for these students that I have never felt before. At first, I actually said "Seriously, God? Now? You wait until NOW to fill me with this passion?" But, God knew what He was doing. He knew that the passion He was giving me was going to feed this next move in our lives.
This generation that I love is desperately feared and hated by Satan. Why else would we have the problems with suicide, drug and alcohol abuse, child abuse, pornography, abortion? Yes, it is the product of a society, but I believe it is also a direct attack by the enemy of their souls. Satan knows just how powerful these young people would be for God's kingdom.
Jerome & I have been leading a small group in our home for a few years. God revealed to both of us that the problems we saw in the youth, began in their homes. It begins with their parents, their home life. And, to be quite honest, we are tired of watching Satan tear apart families. I know far too many couples that have gotten divorced or are contemplating separation right now.
This is why we are now at the "end of an era". I want to see marriages thrive, reunite, be bold. I want to see husbands who love their wives as Christ loves the church. I want to see wives really learn the true meanings of love, submission, respect - not the distorted, ugly, worldly versions, but God's amazing, freeing, joyful intention. And, please understand, Jerome and I are NOT the models for this - we are imperfect, learning, screwing up and trying again.
My current favorite band is Casting Crowns. I fell in love with their song "Slow Fade", but love it even more now that I've seen the video. This song encompasses everything I want families to realize.
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