Do I even want to understand?

I know that, this side of heaven, we are not supposed to understand everything.  We are not God.  We are not omnipotent.  We are finite.  We have finite comprehension.  But knowing these things does not make living in this fallen world any easier.

I don't understand why babies die before having the chance to be held by their earthly parents.

I don't understand why 3 year old little girls get horrendous forms of cancer (as if any form of cancer is less devastating than another).

I don't understand why couples who long for nothing more than to love a child struggle for years with infertility, while couples who never want a child are able to conceive without trying.

I don't understand how someone can scream on the Internet about social injustice and the needs of humanity, and pay no attention to the desperation in their own home.

I don't understand why the wicked and evil prosper, and the righteous struggle to feed their families.

I don't understand how a parent can go to work every day, putting off the perfect front, and come home to drink and beat on his kids.

I dont understand how the leader of a country can seek greed for himself while ignoring the desperate needs of his people.

I long for a world in which I do not have to censor everything for my children.  A world where babies are conceived in a loving home, where they will be adored and cherished.  I long for a world where there is no abuse.  Where we meet the needs we see around us because we want to, not because of a mandated social program.  Where there are no starving children. 

I long for a world where a wife no longer has to say goodbye to her husband far too soon.  Where parents no longer have to grieve.  Where children can live without fear.  Where people are loved the way God intended.

I know that day will only come when Christ returns.  Our sins, our pride, our refusal to let God reign have allowed these horrible monsters to roam our earth.  My choices, my stubbornness have contributed to the evil that plagues this earth.  And that breaks my heart.

Lord, forgive me. Forgive me of my sins which have contributed to the horrors of this world.  Forgive me for trying to play God and make sense of this world.  I know I cannot.  And yet that pride overwhelms me, causes me to seek answers where there are none. 

Help me to be You in the flesh on this earth.  And, no, I really don't want to understand.  I just want You to be You.